Beyond the walls of my cubicle at work, and beyond the two other people with whom I share said cubicle, it would surprise me to find out that the people working there were actually being, and acting, like themselves. Acting like the person they truly are on the inside.

Now, although my cube mates and I have in the past more acted like ourselves, I think we are all more and more beginning to feel like it is more prudent to conform a bit more, and act a little more like everyone else. I mean this in the sense of saying what people want to hear, in the sense of not 'rocking the boat' and in the sense of not doing things that might make you seem 'different.'

An example of why this has happened is that I've made it, up to this point, no secret that in my spare time outside of work, I play in a band. Now that I'll be leaving that band, I suspect I'll let that slip and become known widely. However, since I've gotten shit, and heard disturbing gossip through the grapevine from time to time, I don't think I would be so quick talk about any new bands that I may form or join.

...and I sure as hell wouldn't let anyone know about this journal.

Which sort of brings me to what I'm really wondering about. I really don't think many people really act like themselves with very many people in their lives. God knows I don't -- I really only act that way with a select few. But, I truly wonder what would happen if everyone let loose and acted real.

The sad truth is that things would probably fall apart in the short term. This may seem pessimistic, and this is certainly not true of the people I'm friends with, but I don't think that people by and large are particularly accepting of people that're different.

Ask Martin Luther King, Jr, or Matthew Shepard.

What started me on this train of thought is writing in this journal, and how honest I can be in it. Since people I know in real life read this, it's an issue for me what I can say in here. However, the only thing stopping me from simply being myself, and writing about whatever crosses my mind -- from the mundane to the risqué, and without regard -- is fear.

So, since I'd also like to become more direct and open in some aspects of my personal (as opposed to professional) daily life, perhaps I'll try to write about whatever thoughts cross my head in this journal. Uncensored, without taking the chance to reread what I'm putting out there. (Heh...which'll make for good laughs as people realize how bad I can be at grammar.)

A true attempt at stream of consciousness writing. (Which, I admit, may be harder to do on a keyboard than on paper -- I can write without conscious thought on pad and paper far more easily.) I don't know for sure that I can do this -- I may wimp out time and time again, if something crosses my mind that I'm not sure I should write about. But, I'm going to try.