The strangest thing happened to me today at the gym. I was doing my usual routine when I all of a sudden felt really ill. I just had this 'must go home' feeling in my gut. I was kind of nauseous, and kind of out of breath, and felt generally nasty. I figured once I got home and got showered I'd feel much better, but that wasn't the case.

What ended up making me feel better? Going over to Dan and Laurel's, where they'd previously invited a bunch of us over for a ham dinner they'd made. For whatever reason, once I ate, I felt 1000% better. I'd eaten a usual lunch in the afternoon, well before the gym, so it's not even that I was going on no food. Very odd.

I had an interesting conversation with Adria the other day. Well - not the other day, it was more like a month ago. But, I've been keeping track of things I wanted to write about when I finally got back to writing.

Anyway, we ended up talking about movies at some point, and then High Fidelity came up, which prompted us to talk about Rob's Top Five Dream Jobs list, and eventually we decided to make up our own. Mine went something like this, in no particular order:

1. Comic Book Artist

This was a big childhood thing. Even though I don't really draw anymore, I still think it'd be a kick ass job to have. Comic books are great.

2. NHL Announcer

Hockey is my favorite sport. What 16 year old hockey fan DIDN'T sit in front of the TV, playing NHL Hockey for sega, and announce the game to him or herself as they played?

3. Game Programmer

Okay - this is vaguely within reach. You never know - this might happen. But, I hear the hours suck doing game work, and I really don't want to give up the other facets of my life to do it…I like being well rounded.

4. Musician

I'm not talking REM like uber-stardom. I'd just enjoy being able to play music for people all the time. However, I'm nowhere near good enough to make this a worthy gamble.

5. Filmmaker

I've become more and more of a movie connoisseur in the past few years. Had that happened when I was younger, maybe I'd have tried this. There are so many interesting stories waiting to be told…

Adria would have to be here, or write her own guest entry to rattle off hers - I can't come close to remembering all of them. However, in the discussion that ensued from making these lists, I looked for the common threads in our lists.

After a while, I made the observation that all of my choices involve creating (or in the case of NHL announcer doing) something that entertains other people, thereby hopefully enticing an emotional reaction from them. I kind of wonder what in my little brain would make that the common theme?

The creativity part of it I understand - I've always loved doing things that let me create. (For example, my favorite part of my current job is when I get to design sections of our system.) But, I'm more curious about why so many of the jobs are high profile positions…I guess what I'm really wondering is, exactly how much do I crave attention, and is this a healthy thing? Supplemental bonus question is WHY do I like attention so damn much?

Is it a good thing to play armchair psychologist with your own melon? Maybe, maybe not. However, to address the why first, I think it's a linear combination of two things. One, I was the first born child in my family, and my mom paid a whole lot of attention to me (at times 'cause I was a brat and she had no choice.) Two, and this is less clear to me, I wasn't exactly the most popular kid in school way back, which I think has in some way given me a subconscious desire to do things that "make you more popular."

I put that in quotes because it's not really true - none of those things really make you more popular in any sense that matters, and in fact the popularity contest ended a long time ago. I have a great group of friends that I fit in with, get along with, and adore being around, a job that pays the bills, and hobbies I enjoy. Go me -- there's nothing too wrong here in my life. But, I wonder if that silly belief still rattles around in my subconscious from time to time.

As for if this is a healthy thing? Well, I've given this whole thing on and off thought since I had this conversation, and I don't think my desire for attention is, in general, an unhealthy one. I'm certain that I have my moments where I do inane things to get people to look at the goofy pasty white guy in the corner, but they're far more few and far between than they used to be. Besides, I think it's probably pretty funny to watch me go off into la la land and prattle on about something for 10 minutes for no particular reason other than my having a sudden adrenaline burst.

But…I hope everyone in the funeral home is at least laughing WITH me when I pull my shirt up over my head and start screaming, begin doing bizarre dances, or rant out 20 minutes of an old Denis Leary stand up act… :-P